could it be this misery will suffice

all I've said I would never be
I have become
alcohol
solving my poblems
with each gulp
I cure
cancer
broken hearts
and mendable souls
i wish i never
took these moments
i wish you would go away
save me from who i am bound to be
i want everything you are not
and so it seems ill never be
but i want to be okay
again
to breath at ease
for once

pressure

here we go again
this road was paved
and we took the bumps
for the fun
but in the end
we're all the same
miserable with memories
of joyful or sorrowful times
i refuse to be
like you
iresstibley miserable
at 18
i hate that you hate me
but more that
I hate me

someone come and save my life

nothing more than okay is what she asked
and she recieved
perfection
but in oblivion
perfection is nothing
cmpared to misery
we always want what is not ours
never excepting the good she has
she wore out the love he had for her and forever
she was alone

and so the lines been blurred

his breath so hot on my skin
the way he looked right through me
his hand sliding slowly down my jaw
to rest were my shoulder meets my neck
then slowly into my hair
the way he lightly brushed my lips with his
then down my chin and across my jaw
how beautiful
it made me feel
how soft his eyes felt each time they met mine
a dark brown full of secrets
just waiting to escape
a light tug and no space remained
here in his arms
the rest of the world disappears
me and him
all troubles gone for these moments
everything is perfect
we stayed in this tightly bound hug for
eternity or so it seemed
his breath warming my ear
as he whispered
just the right words
to finally break me
and the rest is history
forever he had me
from that moment I'd lost whatever was left of self control
and he had me
full hearted
terrified
thrilling
tragic

dont do it

I hate that you think you have me all figured out
like you no me better then I do
Because my hair is dark and my shoes are bright
because I go to shows and listen to punk
I cant go deeper then this label
this stereotype
just another young rebel
who doesnt no shit about anything real
that i couldnt possibly say anything deeper then
a song lyric
and I have no clue of true music
I hate that you judge me
that you hate me
that you dont think
im worth the time
but I hate most
is that I care
what you think

forever in a day

scribbled in ink
his heart poors out
for anyone to find
the last milligram of hope
we'd love to see him smile just one more time
and mean it
slowly let go
his note read:
"today has been the best day
in a long time
and it made me realize how miserable I am
please dont cry kelly
we will meet again
{"forever in a day"}"

Just for Today

The skys will be clear
the sun will shine within
my heart will be high
I will shed no tears
my mind will not be trapped
my body will be its own perfection
the stars will sing to me
rooftops will bring salvation
friends will render joy
he will be mine
depression will be gone
soul set free
my eyes will not weap

yea today
i will be happy

just for today

tommorow is unclear but i know
today will be okay

I cant see the sun anymore

laughter fills the room
silent tears streaming
the thought of living one more day
without you is killing me
I did it all
from drink you away to pop the pain
I cant stop this broken heart
its one no one can touch on
every night gets worse
I've shed more tears a year later
then I did at the time
why isnt it all better
why do some days seem so perfect and then nights are doomed
I need you to tell me things will get better
but we all know thats not true
I wish it were
I need you
isnt it funny when someone dies you need them more then you ever did before
the things I've been through since youve been gone
I cant imagine whats in store
I'd give anything to have you back here
just one more day

leaveit be

I wish i woulda called
if I could do one thing over
i would have
I want to know how it felt
I want to know what it was like
I wish you were here
Ive never mised you more
theres lots I would change if
time reversal was possible
I need you
i hope you know
I want to know what itslike to be happy
im happy more then I was before but
being here breaks my heart
i need you
i wish you could tell me things would be okay
sleep tight
or i love you
but its to late and your to gone
i want to see you again
hear you
i feel you all around me
i miss you

deadend

its getting colder now
on lifes little trip
im trying to see the good in it but i cant
my phones ringing and i cant hear a thing
your minds blank my minds raging
escape the future dear
you need to get out
stop all this maddness you need to wake up
scream
from the rooftops
your going to be okay
this i promise

lifes hard lovely but you will be
just fine
get thee orange cupcakes a sing it
beauty is around us stop
and stare
this is all we need

just believe

deadend

its getting colder now
on lifes little trip
im trying to see the good in it but i cant
my ohones ringing and i cant hear a thing
your minds blank my minds raging
escape the future dear
you need to get out
stop all this maddness you need to wake up
scream
from the rooftops
your going to be okay
this i promise

lifes hard lovely but you will be
just fine
get thee orange cupcakes a sing it
beauty is around us stop
and stare
this is all we need

just believe

and all that surrounds us tells me your different

like the sun you keep coming back day after day
you seem to control every thought that runs through my mind
with a nod of the head and blink of an eye
you catch me
held captive in your love for a lifetime
breaking out is so hard
comfortability keeps me grounded wiht you
I want to tell you
but I cant
you break my heart every time you look right through me
shes far more beautiful than I ever had a chance at being
so forgive me for hating her but its really you i cant stand
tear soaked teddy bears and kleenex wasted
im done crying for you
im ready to be free
just stay
far far
away from me

Growing up and growing out
I cant control lifes twists and turns
I cant control what people think about me
I cant even control what I think about me
false judgement
and cold shoulders
Im a step away from falling to my death
and a hand reach away from making it
when things start to look up
you break me back down
things sure have changed
Im making peace with torn heart strings
sad that you are who you are
id love to love you

confusion is filling me fast
with no one to turn to
the waters getting thick
and treadings not so easy
dragging my soul beating and muddy
here lies the future
and Im terrified to make the wrong or right choice
It sucks because
your not here to catch me when i fall
grace is my weak point
and the bruises proove
that clumsy's not the word for it
sadly your smiles fading from my memorie
and I can't even remember eyes
pictures dont have voice
and they never talk back
so much has happened
I couldnt face you now
but Id give anything to have just one day
I swear Im not as bad as the decisions I make
Fun times right...
my hearts not in this one
you took most of it when you left
and Im still broken
attempting to fix all of this
my heads barely above it all
and my minds long gone
left a note that said call me
when you figure this out
please tell me there is more then this
so many people pulling me every which way
your laugh is gone and the smell of your perfume faded
I cant help but tear up inside
everytime my phone rings I know it could never be the person I want it to be
Please dont hate me
i cant bear this life much longer
all my happy times
fill with guilt
id give my life to have you back here
this world sucks still
over a year
and hurts worse somedays
they say smile
with time all wounds heal
im waiting
.........

Dont be afraid to tell it like it is

smile
thats all i got today
because the things you said
are killing me
I cant share them
but Ill keep them with me
forever
because their so damn funny
its ok
when the book comes out
your name will be out of it
sadly the one person who would
enjoy this most cant even know
and that frankly sucks to me
the things you said
:) LMAO
your so funny

bring me home

breath deep
take it all in
lifes to short
so Im drinkin again
the beauty in this place
covered with hate
your eyes told lies
that I appreciate
secret life
this to that
so many reasons to just run away
the laughs Ive shared over you
and now look at me
a hypocrit in my own mind
and that goes with out saying
jacks my best friend tonight
and we're getting wild
tommorow jim and jose are coming around
and I'd love for you to meet them with me
tangled in the sheets
this is the life
not perfect
yet
just right
from vodka & orange juice to rum & coke
the fun just began
so inhale mary jane and passs her on
we're living baby
so why do i feel like this?

ciggarettes and wine couldnt begin to fill this void

hopeless dream
I cant escape
your the only thing on my mind
all the time
its damaging
its been months
but i cant stop thinking about you
laughter fills my mind
how could i be so insinsitive
for a girl im pretty clueless
I wish you never left
or...
but its to late
maybe in time things will get better
until then
i miss you
forever
...

dream lived out

Slip fast away
make it out clean
go for dreams and live for hope
escape nostolgia
and come to
this is it
today we live
just for today
make it worth while
do what you love
love what you do
run fast from the memeories
and shy away from plans
do what you can to love who you are
Its hard in this day and age
to be happy
find what you love and never stop doing that
dont let life beat you down
and dont let failure keep you from
getting back up
we need to escape reality
and live big
we've got one chance
lets not fuck it up

Papercut my broken lies

Finger prints mask my fears
and you paper cuts
leave me broken
those eyes could lie their way out of anything
and blue smiles last forever in memories
through all the tears I can honestly say
Id never give you up
feed my bullshit
make me smile
make me cry
no matter what I'll come back
stupid on my part
but those dimples tell a story
of tragedy and romance
your mind is screaming for redemption
and my body would give salvation
to it any time
you cursed me when I saw you
so forever i am yours

love out loud

It beautiful
the way crimson ran from her arm
that night

with a crooked smile
and a twist in her eyes
she laughed
as the tears smeered from cheek to cheek

the shower ran
and steam poured from the room
her sobbing drown out

the razor becoming her best friend
50 cuts deep

her body tingles
and she feels him

the razor crashing to the tub
she feels him holding her
letting her know shes not alone

sending her the message of hope

her body falling to the floor

the next few weeks are rough
but she knows that
she has support
hes always with her
holding her through
the rough patches

shes loved

Write out loud

right before she hit
she saw him
smiling
waiting to take her in
to show that love exists outside of fairy tales

he grasped her hand
and lead her in to his heart

infinite happiness was almost reachable

she glanced back
at her past
a world know one should be in
pain
fear
hate
lost

she never fell more gracefully
then the day he caught her

Love is the movement
we are the cause

boring

Every glance at the mirror reminds her that shes flawed
She wishes it was as easy as people make it sound
wishing for hip bones
so beautiful
praying to be looked at by him
the same way he looks at her
wishing she had a him that wanted her
for her
soon
she locks her self up for days
praying to look ok
she hates how she looks and for that
she eats nothing
work out she screams
skinny is happiness
happiness is what I need

blah i suck

Alone she sat that night
wishing for survival
knowing that it never was in reach
she prays for strength
not forgiveness
shes fine with where shes going
she understands
no ones perfect
she never claimed to be
it was you who put those words to use
she slapped down the note
attached was her heart
stretching out to anyone in sight
she sighs
alone
she waits for the sinister smile
to disappear
she hates this life why not evacuate
she cant go fake so she might as well just go
excuse her shes slightly insane
never mind the words u hhear
shes alone again
like always
left with her thoughts
her dangerous thoughts
leave her be though
shes mad
at the world
for not working out
so escape this life with her
and make her see shes not alone

Lost at sea

Spinning loudly out of control
she grasps her head and screams
her hair falling to the floor rapidly
her body aching for kindness
the shiny salvation seeps in
she cant breath as the thoughts race through
her mind eluded to an unknown place
she digs deep to find something
anything
to ease these thoughts
to quit the masses around her
the bottle falls from the cabinet like
it came from god himself
she downs the whole thing in 3 minutes and
off to bed she goes
......

dear 2007

You literally sucked in almost ever aspect
nothing good came from you
aside from my wonderful neice
You took away my one outlet of frustration
my one person to go to no matter what
you destroyed many friendships that I wish could come back
shit you even formed a friendship id rather not take place in half the time
you crushed my innocence
in more ways then one
you actually had me at my lowest times and yet
you knew id come back for more
thats what you had on me
360 days
with at least 320 0f them being some of the
worst days of my life
yes i complain to much
but never about the big things
i get people die
you proved to me that many times
I get that friendships end again your the proof for that as well
I know I know that things happen
although I cant help but wonder what if
I could go back to
jan 1st 2007
god I know a few things that would change for sure
but im not going to stick on those
"what ifs?" because
you cant change the past only make the future better
but 2007 do me a favor
tell 08 to give me a break
i think I deserve it...

lost

do you ever feel lost in the most familiar places
like when nothing seems right to you
you find your self questioning everything
friends
family
peoples true intentions
life
god
and everything in between
I cant stand it anymore
who am I
the ultimate question
I hate my body, my mind, my life
I hate it
I want out sometimes
I need a break I think
but where do I take it
failing miserably
i dont no any more
foods the enemy
and the bestfriend
its insanely refreshing to know
i can go a week with out any food
then
sometimes dont you just want to scream
just let all the tension that built up out
escape reality
and get away
i used to paint
to get out
it helped
and i used to write and it helped
now
nothing helps
not even screaming

I need to step outside just to see If I can Breath

breath

takes it all in

looks in the mirror

and

never truly see how
beautiful you really are

the collar bones are
showing through
the covers
and your
face is sinking

my my
you look so pale
and
im scared

each step
you take

your searching
for no one but yourself

lost
among a sea
of dissapointment
and
failure

your scared
of
how far you are into it

perfection
is unreachable

the fuck up in u
is screaming
at the
perfectionist
you want to be

help

control
the urge



its gonna be ok

upside of anger

The story goes
shes lost...
but
somewhere shefinds out
shes never been lost
nor misplaced
here..now..
its happening
quit trying
and live
always silver
trying to be platinum
silver is silver
cant change it
its chemically im possible
so except it
move on
we are
who we are
figure it out
im trying
imperfections define us
i strive for more
and to be less
but
im working on it
and in that
im happy
not so much now
but i will be
and knowingg that makes things seem ok you no
so
dream big
and never
hold back

destroy the evidence

escaping what I no is
inevitable
we all face demons
distress yourself
it gets eaier
does it?
Im not so sure
rock
or
roll
its hard to say
in between
but not both
roll away from
this world
or
rock it
with confidence
even though you have none
see
the story goes
shes lost but
it ends with
her beiing ok
notthis book
its not like that
hate toruin it
but
nothing comes eay
escape
reality
for its coming
hard
and
fast
like
a pitch by a yankee
to
tiger
watch
out keep your eye on the ball
one blink
and a black eye
***OUCH***
seeing stars
but not in pete wentz form
life punches hard
we take it
or crumble
exceed with your
morals
go on like its ok
be ok
earase past mistakes
dont regret
learn
this is the day
to....
fill in the blank

new friends are golden

this is baby shit
ive grown
im older now
and its sad to leave u behind
u cant get over shit
and i never said what u meant
its funny
so strong
u claim
stand up
then
you act like
perfections your middle name
far from it hun
say what you please
im over you
day 17 never looked so sweet
please
dont act
no grammys in your future
poor youth
no what there is left
nothing
escape
you cant
i will
see u round
maybe
hope not
who needs enemys when you have friends like this
my favorite line
round here
im all outta hope
lost sense of belonging
all thanks to you
i never claimed what you thought
and u livedup
to my beliefs
way to proove me right
i new id never
trust u
and im glad i didnt
little peices are all u got
so thanks
for that
im proud
ive been nothing but a good friend
so say what u want
im done
escape yourself please
before it ruins you


much love loser