Life

sometimes its so confusing
you leave everything in one place behind you
only to gain so much more
and you soon figure out that
its not what you needed
and your lost
once again
with millions of questions
all left unanswered
and all you've ever wanted was to know who you are
without losing who you were
no matter what you do
you can't make it right
and you thought for one whole second that everything was exactly the way it should be
and soon you realize that nothing is the way it should be
your searching high and low to find that person you know you can be
it's like somethings missing and you see it in everyone else
you see how perfect it can be
even with the troubles they have
you see it for a split second in a smile
in a laugh
what your missing
that ounce of perfection that everyone else has
it's like
the whole world knows something that you don't
that you can never know
you constantly surround your self with people
so you feel needed,wanted
and then when your alone
you realize
exactly how miserable you've come to be
so much so that
you find yourself contemplating
an escape
for that one second you find yourself completely at peace
you see your future and you know
this is the way it needs to be

new again

Sometimes we forget exactly why it is we are here...
And sometimes...
just sometimes...
We know exactly why...
-----------------------
We're here for the smell after rain
the way each drop feels on your skin
sunsets on a swing
the sound of waves crashing agains earth
the days when heavens open for all
the perfect moments in life that make us realize why we're here
the ups
we live for up days
happieness
the quest of happiness
and sometimes it feels like a million miles away
but if you make it past the bad days
-------------bliss-------------

missing you

I miss you most when...
the sun shines
the rain pours
the trees change
the grass is green
the snow falls
the flowers bloom

I miss you most on days...
my life seems perfect
my life is crumbling
I fight with my mom
I see my new neices and nephews
I cant find the right words to say
when I watch home videos
When I go to the park

I miss you most...
If I see your pictures
If I hear your name
when the subject get changed if I'm around
when I'm stuck between the right and wrong choice
when I mess up
When I perfect something
when I hear your song

I miss you most...
when I feel like im forgetting you
everytime I remember your never coming back
when I realize I cant call you to talk about nothing or everything

mainly I miss you most
when I wake up in the morning...
and go to bed at night...
and all the time in between..

everydays the first of the rest of your life

Maybe things are better left unsaid
because in all this
all I know
is Ive never loved anyone
as much as I miss you
and i dont no that I ever will
i want to hurt as bad as that day
because then I'll know that its true
love exist after all
please dont mistake this
its not a cry for help
only a cry for peace

...

You said goodbye like it meant nothing
like we meant nothing
I know we'd never be
but what we had
was more
im okay you left
you had to go
but saying goodbye
shoulda been more
so adventure on dear friend
but remember to remember me

My wasted heart.........

night after night
I wait for
someone to rescue me
like sleeping beauty
in the tower
only im trapped in my own
misery
self inflicted
self controlled
maybe it will go away
but maybe im insane
you see
when you left
it fucked my world
and now i wait
for the complete circle
of events
im sick of aiting
but I need to hope

OKAY

honestly
I hate your honesty
best friends means...
well best friends means nothing in this case
you told me we'd have it all
and here I am
500 miles from home
and your leaving for
...
do you even know
I told myself i didnt care
and yet here I am
wasting my time
wrting about you
once again
your running away
just like before
and when you come back
I hope you know
i wont be here
Im done waiting
so take that lie and
shove it

forever yours

I hope it breaks your heart
when you see us together
happy as you'll never be
I hope it tears you down
with each kiss we share
Every walk I take with him in hand
I hope you feel the love he has for me
I hopeyou cry when you see our pictures
on myspace
When we start our family
I hope your miserable
I hope it breaks your heart
when you think of me
...
Because mine breaks everyday
I wake up and hes not you

one lost soul

Sinking down she steps away
to look at this mess shes made
its only been a month
and still shes managed to for go
all reality and destroy
her plans
how can this be
after three days it was going down
and now she remembers why it is hse left in the first place
you see it was to run
and never face
the mistake she made
one two three
hours she had
and never did
ring ring ring
its just me and i wish
youd been there
to see how stupid ive gotten
ha
youd roll
360 and then 180
just to escape this face
no shame
only facades
.........
no endings
only
death

could it be this misery will suffice

all I've said I would never be
I have become
alcohol
solving my poblems
with each gulp
I cure
cancer
broken hearts
and mendable souls
i wish i never
took these moments
i wish you would go away
save me from who i am bound to be
i want everything you are not
and so it seems ill never be
but i want to be okay
again
to breath at ease
for once

pressure

here we go again
this road was paved
and we took the bumps
for the fun
but in the end
we're all the same
miserable with memories
of joyful or sorrowful times
i refuse to be
like you
iresstibley miserable
at 18
i hate that you hate me
but more that
I hate me

someone come and save my life

nothing more than okay is what she asked
and she recieved
perfection
but in oblivion
perfection is nothing
cmpared to misery
we always want what is not ours
never excepting the good she has
she wore out the love he had for her and forever
she was alone

and so the lines been blurred

his breath so hot on my skin
the way he looked right through me
his hand sliding slowly down my jaw
to rest were my shoulder meets my neck
then slowly into my hair
the way he lightly brushed my lips with his
then down my chin and across my jaw
how beautiful
it made me feel
how soft his eyes felt each time they met mine
a dark brown full of secrets
just waiting to escape
a light tug and no space remained
here in his arms
the rest of the world disappears
me and him
all troubles gone for these moments
everything is perfect
we stayed in this tightly bound hug for
eternity or so it seemed
his breath warming my ear
as he whispered
just the right words
to finally break me
and the rest is history
forever he had me
from that moment I'd lost whatever was left of self control
and he had me
full hearted
terrified
thrilling
tragic

dont do it

I hate that you think you have me all figured out
like you no me better then I do
Because my hair is dark and my shoes are bright
because I go to shows and listen to punk
I cant go deeper then this label
this stereotype
just another young rebel
who doesnt no shit about anything real
that i couldnt possibly say anything deeper then
a song lyric
and I have no clue of true music
I hate that you judge me
that you hate me
that you dont think
im worth the time
but I hate most
is that I care
what you think

forever in a day

scribbled in ink
his heart poors out
for anyone to find
the last milligram of hope
we'd love to see him smile just one more time
and mean it
slowly let go
his note read:
"today has been the best day
in a long time
and it made me realize how miserable I am
please dont cry kelly
we will meet again
{"forever in a day"}"

Just for Today

The skys will be clear
the sun will shine within
my heart will be high
I will shed no tears
my mind will not be trapped
my body will be its own perfection
the stars will sing to me
rooftops will bring salvation
friends will render joy
he will be mine
depression will be gone
soul set free
my eyes will not weap

yea today
i will be happy

just for today

tommorow is unclear but i know
today will be okay

I cant see the sun anymore

laughter fills the room
silent tears streaming
the thought of living one more day
without you is killing me
I did it all
from drink you away to pop the pain
I cant stop this broken heart
its one no one can touch on
every night gets worse
I've shed more tears a year later
then I did at the time
why isnt it all better
why do some days seem so perfect and then nights are doomed
I need you to tell me things will get better
but we all know thats not true
I wish it were
I need you
isnt it funny when someone dies you need them more then you ever did before
the things I've been through since youve been gone
I cant imagine whats in store
I'd give anything to have you back here
just one more day

leaveit be

I wish i woulda called
if I could do one thing over
i would have
I want to know how it felt
I want to know what it was like
I wish you were here
Ive never mised you more
theres lots I would change if
time reversal was possible
I need you
i hope you know
I want to know what itslike to be happy
im happy more then I was before but
being here breaks my heart
i need you
i wish you could tell me things would be okay
sleep tight
or i love you
but its to late and your to gone
i want to see you again
hear you
i feel you all around me
i miss you

deadend

its getting colder now
on lifes little trip
im trying to see the good in it but i cant
my phones ringing and i cant hear a thing
your minds blank my minds raging
escape the future dear
you need to get out
stop all this maddness you need to wake up
scream
from the rooftops
your going to be okay
this i promise

lifes hard lovely but you will be
just fine
get thee orange cupcakes a sing it
beauty is around us stop
and stare
this is all we need

just believe

deadend

its getting colder now
on lifes little trip
im trying to see the good in it but i cant
my ohones ringing and i cant hear a thing
your minds blank my minds raging
escape the future dear
you need to get out
stop all this maddness you need to wake up
scream
from the rooftops
your going to be okay
this i promise

lifes hard lovely but you will be
just fine
get thee orange cupcakes a sing it
beauty is around us stop
and stare
this is all we need

just believe

and all that surrounds us tells me your different

like the sun you keep coming back day after day
you seem to control every thought that runs through my mind
with a nod of the head and blink of an eye
you catch me
held captive in your love for a lifetime
breaking out is so hard
comfortability keeps me grounded wiht you
I want to tell you
but I cant
you break my heart every time you look right through me
shes far more beautiful than I ever had a chance at being
so forgive me for hating her but its really you i cant stand
tear soaked teddy bears and kleenex wasted
im done crying for you
im ready to be free
just stay
far far
away from me

Growing up and growing out
I cant control lifes twists and turns
I cant control what people think about me
I cant even control what I think about me
false judgement
and cold shoulders
Im a step away from falling to my death
and a hand reach away from making it
when things start to look up
you break me back down
things sure have changed
Im making peace with torn heart strings
sad that you are who you are
id love to love you

confusion is filling me fast
with no one to turn to
the waters getting thick
and treadings not so easy
dragging my soul beating and muddy
here lies the future
and Im terrified to make the wrong or right choice
It sucks because
your not here to catch me when i fall
grace is my weak point
and the bruises proove
that clumsy's not the word for it
sadly your smiles fading from my memorie
and I can't even remember eyes
pictures dont have voice
and they never talk back
so much has happened
I couldnt face you now
but Id give anything to have just one day
I swear Im not as bad as the decisions I make
Fun times right...
my hearts not in this one
you took most of it when you left
and Im still broken
attempting to fix all of this
my heads barely above it all
and my minds long gone
left a note that said call me
when you figure this out
please tell me there is more then this
so many people pulling me every which way
your laugh is gone and the smell of your perfume faded
I cant help but tear up inside
everytime my phone rings I know it could never be the person I want it to be
Please dont hate me
i cant bear this life much longer
all my happy times
fill with guilt
id give my life to have you back here
this world sucks still
over a year
and hurts worse somedays
they say smile
with time all wounds heal
im waiting
.........

Dont be afraid to tell it like it is

smile
thats all i got today
because the things you said
are killing me
I cant share them
but Ill keep them with me
forever
because their so damn funny
its ok
when the book comes out
your name will be out of it
sadly the one person who would
enjoy this most cant even know
and that frankly sucks to me
the things you said
:) LMAO
your so funny

bring me home

breath deep
take it all in
lifes to short
so Im drinkin again
the beauty in this place
covered with hate
your eyes told lies
that I appreciate
secret life
this to that
so many reasons to just run away
the laughs Ive shared over you
and now look at me
a hypocrit in my own mind
and that goes with out saying
jacks my best friend tonight
and we're getting wild
tommorow jim and jose are coming around
and I'd love for you to meet them with me
tangled in the sheets
this is the life
not perfect
yet
just right
from vodka & orange juice to rum & coke
the fun just began
so inhale mary jane and passs her on
we're living baby
so why do i feel like this?

ciggarettes and wine couldnt begin to fill this void

hopeless dream
I cant escape
your the only thing on my mind
all the time
its damaging
its been months
but i cant stop thinking about you
laughter fills my mind
how could i be so insinsitive
for a girl im pretty clueless
I wish you never left
or...
but its to late
maybe in time things will get better
until then
i miss you
forever
...

dream lived out

Slip fast away
make it out clean
go for dreams and live for hope
escape nostolgia
and come to
this is it
today we live
just for today
make it worth while
do what you love
love what you do
run fast from the memeories
and shy away from plans
do what you can to love who you are
Its hard in this day and age
to be happy
find what you love and never stop doing that
dont let life beat you down
and dont let failure keep you from
getting back up
we need to escape reality
and live big
we've got one chance
lets not fuck it up

Papercut my broken lies

Finger prints mask my fears
and you paper cuts
leave me broken
those eyes could lie their way out of anything
and blue smiles last forever in memories
through all the tears I can honestly say
Id never give you up
feed my bullshit
make me smile
make me cry
no matter what I'll come back
stupid on my part
but those dimples tell a story
of tragedy and romance
your mind is screaming for redemption
and my body would give salvation
to it any time
you cursed me when I saw you
so forever i am yours

love out loud

It beautiful
the way crimson ran from her arm
that night

with a crooked smile
and a twist in her eyes
she laughed
as the tears smeered from cheek to cheek

the shower ran
and steam poured from the room
her sobbing drown out

the razor becoming her best friend
50 cuts deep

her body tingles
and she feels him

the razor crashing to the tub
she feels him holding her
letting her know shes not alone

sending her the message of hope

her body falling to the floor

the next few weeks are rough
but she knows that
she has support
hes always with her
holding her through
the rough patches

shes loved

Write out loud

right before she hit
she saw him
smiling
waiting to take her in
to show that love exists outside of fairy tales

he grasped her hand
and lead her in to his heart

infinite happiness was almost reachable

she glanced back
at her past
a world know one should be in
pain
fear
hate
lost

she never fell more gracefully
then the day he caught her

Love is the movement
we are the cause